


No pain

by beentheredonethat



Category: Original Work
Genre: #end of the world, #original work, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-05
Updated: 2016-03-05
Packaged: 2018-05-24 20:33:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,288
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6165881
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beentheredonethat/pseuds/beentheredonethat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's the last day. Life on Earth is about to be completely exterminated, how would you deal with it?</p>
            </blockquote>





	No pain

  It was the last day, we were all ready. Everybody had already said their goodbyes and all there was left was the waiting game, count the minutes following the clocks - the only things that still worked.

  Tic - tac - tic - tac - tic - tac.  

  I couldn't take it anymore, all the complaints and hypothesis, I just wanted it all to be over already, I wanted to see the end coming and know that my depressive empty life had been worth something. I'd smile as the clock showed the indicated time and I'd open my arms feeling the end on my skin and I'd smile and it'd be poetic and beautiful.  

  - Thinking about what this time? - on a second I was back on my couch watching my parents' ritual that consisted on looking through the window and talking about whatever they saw.

  - What do you think? These people are incapable of quitting their whining, we all want some rest from their voices.

  - They are your parents, Natasha. - Kate spoke in a reprehensive tone.

  - Exactly. They're my parents and I've never been able to understand this need to talk about other people's lives, can't they just notice it's all over?

  - They're scared, you gotta understand it.

  We watched the scene for a couple more minutes untill a thought hit me.

  - Aren't you? - there was a kindness to my voice that surprised even myself.

  - Not of the same thing. - she probably saw my confused face and went on - They fear what comes next, heaven or hell , I fear the pain.

  - You think it'll hurt?

  - The fucking Sun is going to explode, Natasha, of course it'll hurt! - she said smiling at my obvious innocence.

  - We could commit suicide. - She smiled brightly at me.

  - Yeah, right. Like I would miss the end and honestly, I really don't want to get blood on my hands, especially yours. - she took my hand and led me out of the house without even glacing at my parents.

  Even after all that time the streets were still a type of war zone, people stole, messed, destroyed everything that was worth in a matter of seconds and then destroyed, killed, humilliated themselves and in the end there was the chaos nobody bothered to clean up. We always had to walk away from cars on fire, remember in which streets the rapists liked to hang out and jump bodies that after a fight or two we stopped checking for breathing. It was easier to ignore. Igoner the reek of piss, the blood, the screams, the fire, the cold and the hunger.

  - I don't get it. - And I really didn't, much as I tried I just couldn't understand but she could.

  - They stay out here because there's nothing left to do, Natasha, it's pretty simple actually. They need to feel like they are doing more than just waiting for death to come.

  - But they are not! We are all just waiting for death, this is the point of the end of the world, isn't it?

  - I still think it's something related to fear, this is their last chance to show that mystical being that they deserve paradise.

  - And they do that by killing people and being fucking rapists? Is that the god they honor? Is that what that god would like them do to?

  - They rape kids and show regret then that god gives them forgiveness, that's the biggest lesson, how to forgive. - she smiled - Just look, - she continued and pointed to the other side of the street - churches never close and as each day passes they get fuller because more people feel regret for what they've done. That's the god they honor, that they need ot honor. There's a void they carry that you don't know, a void bigger, much bigger than hunger and pain.

  - You really brought me out here to a final chat about god and forgiveness during the last days?

  Kate laughed out loud and looked at me with such kindness that the exploding sun didn't really matter anymore.

  - No. I brought you out here because you would end up killing someone in there.

  - It's still early, isn't it?

  - To kill a relative? I think it always is - she had a knowing look plastered all over her face untill I elbowed her rib and she dropped it - Geez, I'm kidding. Yeah, they said it's gonna be later. - she took my hand - Hey, I just want to spend some time with you, okay? We will go back soon, is that good? I took a deep breath because I really didn't want the moment to end, I didn't want her to look at me in any other way or to let go of my hand but she did both and I had to pretend it was all okay.

  - Yeah, sure. - I just had to stop thinking about it - How's your family?

  - Lost. - Kate kicked a rock and looked down - My mother said they are going to be at the cemetery, something about dying with our family, I didn't really listen.

  - Well, at least your family will be no trouble to bury should anyone survive.

  - You're totally crazy, did you know that? - she was really laughing this time.

  Kate's house was one of the last still standing because her older brother was quick to understand human beings are beasts and he put together a group to "keep the order" which was actually a way for him to get the good things from other people's thefts.

  - Won't your father get pissed if he sees me here?

  - It is the last day. I don't care if he's the one who's going to blow it all up, you'll be with me inside my house today.

  We went up the stairs and a kind of weight fell from my shoulders, it wasn't the last day anymore, nobody's flesh was going to burn, it didn't matter who killed or who felt hunger and I know as well as anyone else how selfish and empty that feeling sounds but that was my last real chance to be with her. I couldn't care for details I couldn't change.   - What do you feel like doing?

  - I think you know, Nat...

  - Oh, shit. I always get scared when you call me that. - I answered smiling because I knew what she wanted.

  - Just this last time. - she ran and closed the door grabing the guitar from behind it - I even promise I won't make you play childish songs.

  I took the guitar from her hands more because I knew how important that was in our realtionship than because I wanted to play, music had always been our way to say things without fearing and I liked hearing her say she liked when I played.

  - I always make mistakes, you know that.

  - If I wanted to hear someone playing perfectly, I wouldn't have sold all my cds and my radio and then I'd be here listening to several minutes of their perfect notes in a last desperate atempt of reliving memories from a time where everything was alive and we glowed with passion but instead I ask you to play because you make mistakes and cringe and you remind me there's still people who are really alive and beating hearts out there.

  I started playing without really thinking about the song pouring out of the chords pratically by itself, when I realised it was too late and I was always midsong. Our song. The song we listened to when we dated and I swore I'd never leave and she swore she'd never lie. Kate smiled and I tried not to get nervous and I managed but then she kept smiling and the melody got out of hand because I knew that smile, it was different from any other one, it was the smile she gave me, the smile from when I made her happy. But I still had to finish the song and play it cool because she wasn't my girlfriend anymore and she'd never be.

  - I never thought I'd hear that song again.

  - Didn't even think about what I was playing.

  - I'm not complaining. Actually, I missed hearing you sing.

  - You could have asked.

  - Well, the world wasn't ending and we'd feel that agonizing need to talk about it. I just don't have anything new to say. - she laid on the bed and looked at me - Come here with me, let's just forget about this nonsense.

  Then I noticed I'd never know if she was talking about the end of the world od us.

  I thought about the day they told us. Nobody on the streets, no stores open, no car engines running because everybody knew what they were going to say. It was confirmation. Honeslty, we knew, of course we knew. We knew but we kept on going. Who can stop a growing society? Who could really change our ways after all that time? I was home and my family was petrified in front of the TV, but all I could think about was that song that spoke of the possibility of the world stopping for a day and how it'd be fun to sing it the day before the end. But I didn't sing, no one did. A day before the end I was looking for food and water, I was fighting for my own survival. For a couple of days everything felt the same, people just kept on living, maybe thinking they were wrong or lying but then it happened, rationing, the production stopped, schools closed, hospitals ran out of supplies and stuff started to go down all at once. It really was the end. Many couldn't take it, mass suicides arranged on the internet then the internet fell too and people just went to the streets, they went and just stayed there waiting for something that never came. For a reason to go on. Kate and I started looking for food together and that's when we grew closer again, it felt like nobody else understood how fucked up we really were, nobody seemed to care deeply enough, I don't know how to explain but I used to feel like she was the only one who understood what it was like to live when the world had already ended. I just gave myself to her all over again, knowing that we had no future together made it all seem more bearable, we only had to live one day at a time.

  There was nothing more to be said, on that bed were the only girls ready to die. Two people who were unafraid. And the clock kept on ticking.

  - I better go, your parents are gonna call you to go to that cemetery soon and I don't wanna be here for that.

  - Oh, I didn't tell you? I am so not going. We have a deal since day one, Nat and that's the way I want to go.

  I felt like the most coward person in the whole wide world, that was my chance, that was it! I could have said something like 'by my side?' but no, of course not.

  - Okay, I'll see you later then. - I hugged her as tight as I could never wanting to let go - Don't be late.

  Then I was outside again, the smells greeting me once more but the streets were almost empty, the families were gathering and there were candles lit inside what was left of the houses, they were sharing the food they kept for that day and smiling. For me, it was kinda like Christmas because the kids were afraid and a little excited and the adults were only there and being nice out of a sense of obligation. My family didn't quite work like that, they didn't mind me not being there or not having any food to share, they just wanted to have a last chance to be assholes and complain about other people's ways of dealing.

  - Have you seen her clothes? I mean, I understand not caring because of all that's happened but she could pay a little more attention to herself. What would her parents think? - I looked at the girl they were talking about and her parents wouldn't think anything because they were dead.

  - I'm home. - I tried to walk past them without really being noticed.

  - Are you still going out?

  - Later, we still have some time but I'm going to meet her.

  - Then come here before you manage to escape from us. - my parents weren't the caring type - We want you to know that we are very proud of having you as our daughter, who knew someone so strong, confident and honest could be raised by us? We want to thank you for everything you've done since this all started, we wouldn't have made it this far without you. - My father just nodded along. And I knew that was it, everything I'd get from them, this desire to thank, the wish to feel grateful and nothing more.

  - Thank you. This means a lot to me. - I awkwardly hugged them as fast as possible and made way to the kitchen. Physical contact usually makes me nervous. But our lives have always been like this and just now I can think clearly about how selfish I was being for not wanting to die with them, the people who raised me. The people who made me confident and strong and honest. A tear insisted on trying to fall but a loud noise made it go back. I knew that noise, I heard it everyday several times. I ran back to the living room and the first thing I saw was a gun on the ground and another one hanging from my father's flaccid hand and then I noticed the red stain growing steadily on his chest and my mother's calm expression. They were holding each other's hands. I could only think about the first time Kate came over and they acted as if she was already a part of our family and I remember saying something like 'they are not so bad', and they really weren't, had never been. They were tired of not having the world be the way they wanted and for that, sometimes, they were rude and judgy, but they acepted me and always acted nice whenever I had a girl around. They were hypocrites and deserved not having friends but they were really good to me.

  I can still see my mom teaching me how to ride a bike while my dad stood by the sidewalk smiling and then we would have ice creams and go back home with huge smiles plastered on our faces, somehow I think we all knew those were the good times. Looking at them in that situation, I had this overwhelming sense of being done. I was done with that house and that family. That was it, there was nothing more for me there. I ran. Ran like never before, I could feel the wind cutting my skin but I knew that could not be happening, there was no wind anymore, the heat made things a little out of focus and when I came to I saw myself standing in front of her house. I was there and all I wanted to do was run in and throw myself on her arms but she couldn't bring my parents back, she couldn't make the Sun stop exploding or change the whole humanity, to be held by her would mean so much but at the same time, it would mean too many things and I couldn't. I'd just think about everything we missed out on, all the future we should have had but didn't because she was scared. So I took some deep breaths and walked to the place we should meet. I walked for about 30 minutes but saw only one person walking around with no purpose. I saw some people praying and crying in front of temples and churches while men in suits - torned up - screamed things like ' _God will save us from eternal tormen_ t' and ' _he will save the just and the regretful_ ' but I'm pretty sure I saw a man who tried to rape me between the regretful.

  It was an enormous rock on the highest point of the town where we would be able to see the light coming and killing everything slowly. I still had about two hours before the last Sun rise.

  I was 16 when I first saw her and it was nothing like the movies. It wasn't love at first sight or anything like that, we just smiled and were nice to each other just like our parents taught us. I never knew if she payed any attention to me but I always saw her, not like really watching in a stalkery way, more like she was there and I couldn't help myself. She had to be transferred to my classroom and a teacher made her sit by my side during a math test on a Friday. It took us some time to start talking mostly because I was too shy but after a while it was clear we both wanted something more than the school friendship. Kate was the best thing to ever happen to me, we spent two amazing years together, nothing could come between us, I had never been happier, having her there, playing for her, cooking for her, being there for her and then suddenly my personal world imploded.

  _"I can't do it anymore, Natasha. I need something else, you make me so damn happy but I know that this is not where I need to be now. You can still count on me, I'm not leaving you - I know how your parents can be - but we need to find a way to make it work without the romantic part."_

  And I left, got as far as I could. I didn't want anything without the romantic part from her. After a couple months the end got announced and there was no reason to hold onto the idea of a relationship. I understood how close death was pretty quickly.

  The temperature was already going up by the rock, I remember just how many people died of dehidration when it all started, they thought taking off heir clothes would make it better but yeah, some of us apparently knew better.

  Kate was everything I had never wanted by my side, she made me face the things I wanted to forget, my own demons, she imposed herself to me and I accepted it because it was so damn hard to say no. The more I thought about it, the less I wanted her there but there she was. I looked at the horizon and again, there she was, coming up the street, the heat was almost frying my skin and I could barely see but I knew it was her fighting the heat waves that killed slowly but surely. She hadn't forgotten about our deal, she was still coming towards me so we could watch the end together, somehow the religious grew even louder on their prayers. I could basically feel the heat burning my pores one by one or all at once I'm not so sure. A ray blinded me and I knew that was it, I had to hide behind the rock and lost sight of her, when I looked again she had stopped walking but she was smiling and it wasn't the one I loved, it was a new one.

  Pure.

  Happy.

  She was there with me.

  The last thing I saw was her smile and then the ray intensified, my last thought was of her.

_She was wrong after all, there was no pain._


End file.
